Who would you be if you were completely authentic with family?
Who would you be if you were completely authentic with family?
Sometimes when we think we're being who our family needs us to be, we unintentionally create a deep conflict within ourselves. This is a problem.
I see this everywhere in compassionate, kind people who just want everyone and everything to be ok.
That’s a valid desire, and is it true and POSSIBLE?
Meaning, while it makes sense that you’d want everyone to be ok and feel ok, do you have that power?
Can you care enough, worry enough, withdraw enough, be less-sensitive enough, be perfect enough, bite your tongue enough, breathe deeply enough, be patient enough, love enough, BE enough, show up enough, control and manipulate enough…for everyone to be ok and feel ok?
→ Let’s define “enough”
: in or to a degree or quantity that satisfies or that is sufficient or necessary for satisfaction :
Now that we know the actual definition, can you create satisfaction in other people? Even (or especially) those in your family?
If you’re getting the sense that it’s unattainable and unsustainable to keep trying, by being less of who you are - and more of who you think others need you to be - then you might be ready to reclaim some of that energy and potency that you’ve been leaking based on a lie.
The lie that you have the power to make ANYONE be ok or feel ok.
In my experience, that’s an inside job for all of us.
What if being with family (or even thinking about them) wasn't draining?
So to break it down, here’s what happens:
You try to be who your family needs you to be
This creates an inner conflict, because you’re not being 100% authentic
This creates tension and an energy leak that’s draining
You start to build walls and barriers, maybe even armor, to try to protect yourself from the draining people or situations (cause obviously they’re the problem)
AHA! You realize that it’s not the people or the situations - it’s YOU not being fully yourself that’s actually draining … and who has control over that….
Think about it:
Trying to be who others need or require you to be is
→ not a sustainable relationship foundation to build upon
→ leads to misplaced resentment toward others or toward ourselves
and ultimately…
→ EXHAUSTING
This dynamic is a great example of trying to solve a problem (someone not being happy) and the solution (not being fully yourself) leading to bigger more painful problems (disconnection from ourselves, resentment, exhaustion, unfulfillment, etc).
And the cycle continues until we start AVOIDING the people that we think are the problem.
Side note: If you want to cut to the chase and get ready for shift, register for The Family Series right now.
And I GET IT ...
No one drains their energy and stuffs resentment on purpose.
We all like to think that we’re being loving when we’re stifling ourselves or worrying about others.
But the conditioning starts in early childhood - where we think we’re “taking care of” our parents by trying to be ___________ (perfect, agreeable, taking on their pain, etc)
Me? I started in the womb - you probably did too.
Shifting the energy patterns and habits paid off for me. In more ways than I can include here.
You can shift, too. It all starts here.
While many people will continue to keep on keeping on, letting the tension of family relationships ruin the potential happiness that’s available there, if you choose differently, I want to support you to make the shift.
For right now, just get ready!
Register for The Family Series HERE. (Replays included)
In love and peace,
Alyssa
PS I’ve opened up my calendar for more individual and group sessions, for info and to book, click here. The new Home Harmony sessions are also available! You’ll see them on the same page here.